I had my Doctor’s appointment yesterday. I had to fill in a form about my feelings, have a chat and then she said I have PND. Not sure how I am meant to feel about that. She wants me to meet with my Doctor (as she knows me better), to decide whether I should have drugs, therapy or both. I can’t see my Doctor until 21st October, as she is away. So I guess I just have to wait. I don’t always feel like I have PND, there are times in the day I feel ‘normal’, but it doesn’t take much to make me think maybe there is something wrong that I can’t fix by myself. She said it sounds like I had it initially when Baby was born (as I used to cry everyday), and they missed it. I did well to manage it myself and now this additional stress I am going through at the moment has kicked it back off.
However, I am thankful. I have an amazing hubby who supports me in everything I do, cooks every night, doesn’t get annoyed when the house is a state when he gets in from work and notices when I am looking ‘off’. Others have much, much worse PND than me and have no-one, or as good as no-one, to help them. So for Mr Hubby I am so thankful, I am loved as I am. I am also thankful for all the lovely people who have messaged me, texted me or tweeted me. Your kindness is lovely.
I’m sure when I get my business off the ground and my other ‘issue’ sorted, I will start to feel more like my old self. Maybe the therapy will help me not to be so hard on myself. Maybe the drugs will help the shaking inside.
I am so lucky to have my little family. I think that has made it harder to accept that maybe I don’t feel quite right. As I feel I have not got the right to feel anything but wonderful all the time.
Anyway as a little distraction and to give me something to do yesterday when Baby fell asleep on me (I know I should have been doing business stuff) I created this.