It was a wintery October day when Mr Hubby and I agreed it was time to start a family. I was overjoyed, as it was something I had wanted for a long time, but we agreed to wait until after Christmas. We would start trying in the new year. I could just about wait that long.
January arrived and I thought maybe I would get pregnant right away. A few of my friends had, so I knew it could happen. January passed us by and soon months and months had passed without us once seeing the long desired ‘Pregnant’ on one of the hundreds of tests I took. I read so many forums and took what I wanted from the stories. The majority of people got pregnant within a year, so maybe I would too.
Many more months passed so we went to visit the Doctor, who started the ball rolling with our fertility tests. I was in my 30’s so I couldn’t just wait and see or I feared it might be too late. All the initial tests for both of us were fine. Initial diagnosis of unexplained infertility. There were times when I thought I would have preferred it if they had found something, something that they could fix.
I seemed to spend hour upon hour sitting in waiting rooms, surrounded my mums to be and their bumps. They would all have their pregnancy folders. I longed to have one of those folders. To be pregnant, not sitting there empty and scared. I would hear them call their partners with details of their scans and I started to believe that it would never happen for me. I would never be sitting in the waiting room waiting for my scan, I would never be in ‘that’ club. How cruel that we all sit together.
As the time went on the tests became more invasive and my hope began to disappear. I started to truly believe that it was never going to happen, I was never going to get pregnant. We tried everything monitors, temping, acupuncture, nothing worked. I started to look on adoption websites, google surrogacy. I wanted our own baby, but I also had such a desire to be a mum, I knew I had to do something.
It was one February day when we met the Consultant and he said he would refer us for IVF. My heart rose, thank god! Someone was going to help. Then he knocked our legs away when he said that we would have to fund the treatment ourselves due to my age (would be 35 at the beginning of treatment). In our area the cut off age was 34. He discussed a good time for us to start would be August and so we had 6 months to save thousands. We worked every hour we could and we did it (god knows how). We booked our appointment for mid August 2012. I felt so relieved. At last someone was going to help. I hoped that this might work, technology was going to help me get pregnant. We wouldn’t be on our own with it all anymore.
A few days before our appointment I realised I was late. Weirdly unlike any other month I wanted to avoid doing a test. I waited and waited until the last possible time to cancel our IVF appointment. On 12th August 2012 I did a test and it was positive. All our dreams came true. I had come to believe that may be I was never going to be a mum, then within a couple of minutes I knew I was going to be. I would get the pregnancy folder (to me it had become the symbol of pregnancy), I would get to have ‘our’ baby. I would get to celebrate a Mother’s Day.